dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Monday, February 08, 2016


Citizens of the World

This is a video of four friends including me singing the song "Citizens of the World" which is a song by our friend Vera.  We were having too much fun.


Sunday, February 07, 2016


February first was my ten year blogiversary.  My blog had 163 visitors that day, which is high, so I can only assume extra readers were tuning in hoping for a blogiversary post.  But I failed, thinking the blogiversary was a little later in the month.

My blog has changed a lot since its birth.  I started it to be able to comment on someone else's.  I was setting up an account, and it gave me a blog automatically, and I figured I'd post a joke post.  The joke continued and has yet to end.

At the beginning I tried to make it like a real blog, with story-like posts and pictures embedded.  Then it devolved into livejournal-type life documentation (without the drama).  It's been a way for me to keep in touch with occasional reader friends.  It's been a way for enemies to stalk me, I assume.

Myself laid bare.  I don't go into the deep dark secrets, but there's still a lot of me here.  So thank you for reading and for seeing me.

great white beans

I've been awake since 2:30, so it's my breakfast time.  I'm eating avocado toast, a delicacy.

I'm waiting for the beans to boil.  Not enough water got put in the pot for overnight soaking, so I hope I won't encounter a situation where some of the beans are done and some are still hard, in four hours.  We haven't had a fail yet, cooking for Food Not Bombs, so if we have a fail, it will be okay.

I wrote a letter, a poem, a valentine.  I send my bestie in Santa Barbara a valentine every year--it's tradition.

I screwed around on facebook.  I didn't feel like liking much of anything, so maybe I'm cranky.

Maybe the toast will do me well.  And tea.  But this afternoon I can't nap since we're going to Red Starburst Cool Canyon.  I mean Red Rock.

Saturday, February 06, 2016


This morning I helped with dishes at the Catholic Worker and then we had a community meeting.  It was good--low drama and affectionate.

Just now I was dancing to some Bjork, a remix album called Bastards.

Soon our friend KR is coming over to chop onions for us in preparation for tomorrow's big cook.

Ming got the new router in the mail.  It's the size of a deck of cards, which surprised us.  So he's switching that out.  We have had internet provider strife that I won't tell you about.

Tomorrow we're going to Red Rock, which is such a bad name.  So generic.  I want to rename that place.  We're having an anti-Super Bowl party.

Friday, February 05, 2016

field trip: smoke shop

Today we went to the Paiute place on Main Street for the Indian taco fundraiser.  The food was good and quick.  We saw a lady we had met at the MLK parade afterparty.  We saw the lady who had invited us.

So we chowed down and we were like, I've never been to a smoke shop.  And we decided today was the day.

I was hoping for some postcards, some jewelry.  There was a little jewelry, and some of it appeared to be from the '80s.  There were two little dolls.  There were some candybars.

But the vast majority of the store was packed tight with cigarettes and chewing tobacco.  It was kind of overwhelming.  So much of something I don't need.

And tons of people were coming in and out of there.

I was happy to escape.  I always think that when I leave empty-handed the workers will think I stole stuff.  I half-smiled to a worker as I slipped out.

the day

Last night I was up for a couple hours, and this morning I slept fitfully.  I was about two-third asleep.  It was frustrating.

Today we're going to an Indian taco fundraiser at the Paiute smokeshop on Main.  I think I will just get frybread.  I don't need the taco aspect.

This afternoon J is coming over to help Ming with the photo albums.  He needs help with getting the projects done or at least put away before the Sacred Peace Walk.

Then at 4 I have bookclub over skype.  I need to read the book, which I haven't touched since the last bookclub meeting.

Thursday, February 04, 2016

three poems in one day

I'm shivering because I decided to make myself a cherry smoothie when we got home from the grocery store.  It's cold in our house!  It was fun to run errands and be warm in the car.

Today I wrote a poem in the morning about the astronomer John Dobson.  Then in the afternoon Ming and I watched an interview with him and his memorial video, which focuses a lot on his religious views.

Then I typed up this other poem that's about my ex-therapist.  It talks about the healing power of her silent love.

Then in the afternoon I wrote another poem, this one about my community members and the different ways we express love.  The first sentence of the poem flowed out of me, and then the rest of the poem came easily--I don't think it's very good, but it might delight the people it's about.

Ming wanted Japanese curry, so we went to this Japanese curry place near Kung Fu Tea.  Our food was delicious.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016


When we were about to drive away, our community member H waved goodbye to us enthusiastically.  I thought he was trying to get Ming's attention before we left because he needed something, but he was just saying goodbye.

He had never done that before.  "Why did H wave to us?" I asked.

"Maybe he knows something we don't," Ming said.

"Maybe there's a bomb in our car," I said.  "Maybe he put it there!"

We laughed, but it was strange.  I wondered if we were going to die in the car in a terrible wreck.

Ming drove us to Savers so we could drop off a clothes donation.  It was fine.  As we left the parking lot, he was making a right turn onto Cheyenne, and a car changed into the lane he was about to turn into.  I yelled something, and he slammed on the brakes.

I wondered if that was the terrible wreck that was supposed to have killed us, and I averted tragedy.  Next up was Marianna's for cheap onions.

As we drove down Cheyenne, there was a young man dressed up in a statue of liberty costume.  I guess it's almost tax time.  I looked at him, and as we passed, he raised his hand and waved to us.  We waved back.  He didn't wave to anyone else, just us.

"Well, that's weird," I said.  "I guess people are waving to us today."

At Marianna's we found the three pounds for a dollar onions and loaded up a produce bag.  I said I wanted cake, so we looked, and there was a bakery.  We chose a large piece of tres leches cake with peach sauce on top.

In line, I paid.  The guy in line in front of us was wearing a hat and sunglasses and had a beard, so it was impossible to see much of his face.

When we got to the car, I said, "Let's eat the cake now.  Do you want some?"  Ming did want some, so I took a plastic wrapped spoon out of the glove box.  A heart sticker was stuck on it, right in the middle of it.

"How did that sticker get there?" Ming asked.

"I don't know," I said.  The heart sticker had been floating around in the glove box and I just hadn't thrown it away.

I would eat a bite or two and pass the cake to him, and he ate a bite or two and passed it back to me.  I felt very happy, like we were very close family members, sharing this piece of tres leches cake.  "The pleasures of life," I said.

So we drove home, and I was kind of surprised when we got home without a car crash.

Then a little while ago I wanted to take a picture of the vegan Hungarian mushroom soup I'm making, so I took out my phone and saw my bestie had called me.  Not the bestie in Santa Barbara but the other one.  She never calls me, so I was surprised.  I thought she probably dialed me on accident and left a voicemail saying sorry.

But I listened to the voicemail, and it was an actual phone call.

Then I burned the rice, like with actual smoke and not just brown on the bottom but black.  I don't think I've ever done that before.

tea need

Last night JR made vegan burritos with soyrizo that were very good, for community dinner, and J made rice.  There was chips and salsa too, but I didn't have any of those.

I'm sick and slept so well last night.  When Ming woke me up at 5:45, I thought it was the middle of the night.  It was so warm and nice in bed and is so cold in the real world.  My throat is stopped up and my voice sounds funny.  I can't sing and need tea.

Tuesday, February 02, 2016


Not even the slightest hint of a ghost. 

Monday, February 01, 2016



Death Valley

We enjoyed Death Valley and are now at the hotel. It's cold in here and some say there are ghosts. Not in our room specifically but here in general. I'll let you know.


Gmorning, friends.  Today we travel to Death Valley, one of my favorite places.

I caught G's cold.  Lately when I get sick, it's mild and I don't get the cough. So hopefully this will be the same.

Ming's packing coolers, washing dishes.  I'm curious about the day.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

access pass

We are going to Death Valley tomorrow to see the wildflower superbloom.  I wonder if that will make it crowded.  I love the desert.  But the high there tomorrow is 37, and it's supposed to be windy.

My sleep schedule is so f-ed that I don't ever have a feel for what time it is.  I look inside at my inner clock and it's just a big question mark.

This neighbor dog sounds like a duck.  We're going to get a free park pass for disabled people.

happy Sunday

Yesterday I posted that Do Small Things With Great Love pic on my facebook and got lots of attention as a result.  It felt good, but it happens in cyberspace, and I would rather do things in regular space.  A friend I knew as a teenager was curious about prison abolition, and we commented back and forth about Ideas.

Meanwhile, in regular space, I was up in the night for a while and wrote more poems.  I made tofu scramble for breakfast.  Mmm, it's very good.  Today is Food Not Bombs.  It's not supposed to rain until afternoon.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

do small things with great love

the knock

Today it's supposed to hit 70--sweet.  Then it will rain tomorrow, is the predication, then cool off, getting back to freezing at night.

Sorry if you don't care about the weather.  I guess it's important to me but probably not you.  You have your own weather to think about.  Unless you live in a dome.

I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens' Christmas music sampler.  Boy is he obsessed with Christmas.  And rightfully so.  Why not.  I like the way he embraces Christmas' dark side.  He loves it and makes fun of it at the same time.  I enjoy that.  I like doing stuff like that too.

Last night I couldn't sleep, got up and wrote a poem that I find valuable.  It's called "the knock."  I sent it to some people who didn't reply, though.  Maybe I'm the only one who likes it.

Ming's setting up the drip irrigation in the backyard garden with the help of our friend R.  Our community member R.  He's like a brother to me, in good and bad ways, I guess.  Did I ever tell you about how I was reading a book that told me that, in a language in the Middle East somewhere, the word for "cousin" is the same as the word for "enemy"?

This morning my community member J was fantasizing about having her own cooking show.  "I'd watch it," I said.  "I'd buy a tv just so I could watch it."

Thanks for listening to me blow of steam.  It's been almost 10 years that I've been blogging.  I'll have to do something special for my blogiversary.  Maybe I'll celebrate by migrating over to wordpress like everybody else.

Friday, January 29, 2016


did you get enough love, my little dove?

I have this statue on my desk of St Francis, I think.  Someone would love it.  I need to find that person and give this statue to them.  Maybe they'd want it at the Catholic Worker.  It's looming like a giant over my little Durga and Krishna statues.

Cleaning my desk is a constant need.

Today I attempted to clean up some poems in my fortune cookie notebook, but they kind of resisted that.  I tinkered.  I tried.

Ming's taken Little Sir Echo to the mechanic and I'm listening to music I never should--Carrie and Lowell.  It's fuckin' depressing!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

I can handle this day too

This morning I'm serving.  At 9 we vigil at the federal building.  At 10:30 I have bookclub over skype.  At 12 Ming has a doctor's appt, and at 2 we have a Sacred Peace Walk meeting.  I drank some chocolate soymilk and ate two matcha candies.  I'm ready to go!

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

today's lesson

Yes, if you put a sweet potato in your potato soup, tastes great.

sweet potato
earth balance
better than bouillon
cashew cream

I can handle this day

Yesterday we came home in the late afternoon.  We didn't know what we'd come home to--there have been handypersons for weeks.  But all was calm--no handypeople.  Just regular people.

Ming is out serving the hungry.  Last night at community dinner I got overloaded and left early.  I think I was still on retreat in my head and hadn't readjusted to humanity.  I had to come home and sit by myself.

Today we are meeting with an activist we have never met at 9:30.  There's hospitality day lunch at 11:30--I think there will be perogies.  And I have therapy at 1.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

hot chocolate too

To me drinking tea is one of the pleasures of life. 

It's cold here. All the more reason to drink tea. 

And gosh is there a lot of tea here at this undisclosed location. Enough to choke a horse. An impressive array. 

Thanks to everyone who came here and left behind their tea. 

Monday, January 25, 2016


We made a nice vegan dinner of pasta with sauce and mushrooms and vegan sausage. So good. And we're drinking tea and enjoying life. 

I listened to some music and read a book by Corbin Harney. Ming walked in the desert without me. We are enjoying our retreat at this undisclosed location.

the center of the labyrinth

at the goddess temple

Sunday, January 24, 2016

thank you

This morning I was feeling under-stimulated and decided to go to Food Not Bombs and serve.  Our friend Peacemaker Boy came with us.  We arrived early to G's house.  There's a free little library on their street, but it's only kids books, unfortunately for me.  We looked at a few books together.

Then we loaded up Little Sir Echo with salad that G made and some rice and other foods she made too.

At the park, there were a lot of eaters.  Our friend R arrived and played guitar quietly.  I dished potatoes, on the food dishing assembly line.  It was pretty fun.

Then we sat in the grass for a while in the sun.  R played a song for me and I gave him some feedback, told him my favorite parts.  Then our friend A showed up.  He had shaved his head.  His glasses fell off.  They lack a side thing.

Then we hugged people goodbye and went to the Bronze.  I wanted my favorite drink and a tamale.  Unfortunately, there are no more tamales.  Discontinued, a Christmas thing.  Bummer.

Tomorrow we leave on our retreat.  I need to menu plan and gather ingredients and pack.

Shout out to Ming for washing pots!  I love you.  Thank you.


Trader Joe's has these vegetarian gummy candies now called Scandinavian Swimmers.  I love them!  My bag has a lot of lobsters in it.  The yellow seahorses are the best.


I'm cooking for Food Not Bombs--Ming said to make only one pot of rice because G always makes rice even though we're trying to give her a break.  And I'm making kik alicha but it's kind of bland.  I think it needs more onions and garlic?  Some oil?  But I don't want to ruin it.  It's good but not great.

I've been scattered.  I want to do all these things I never get to.  I want to read more, and bake, and cook potato soup.

Tomorrow we go on retreat for two days.  I'll pack books and our songs.  I've been looking forward to it for a month.

Even my to do list is scattered.  And my phone is full.  I need to get a young person to put the photos on a cloud.

cupcake yesterday

Saturday, January 23, 2016

papusas pic

special matcha candies

papusas! papusas!

We are at our favy papusaria waiting for the cook to make our papusas de loroco. Later our friend is coming over to chop veggies for Food Not Bombs. I feel like going to a bookstore and hanging out with all the books. Maybe later. 

something French people love

Yesterday a peace walker friend arrived.  We had a good talk in the living room.  Then he spent the day with Peacemaker Boy.

I bought some delicious matcha candies direct from their maker in the afternoon.  "Do you like them?" the maker asked.  He said you either love them or hate them, like sushi.  "Have you tried sushi?" he asked.

We went to bed very early and got up around 5.  I want to photograph the matcha candies for you when it's daylight.

We are getting spoiled by this farmers market bread--Bread by Ned.  He's from Sarajevo and went to a cooking school in France.  His pretzel brioches are heavenly.  The olive bread is great too.  Ming got a little cake thing that looks kind of burnt.  It's something French people love.  We can't remember the name.

Oh, Ming found the name online: cannele with a little accent over the final e.

Friday, January 22, 2016

fruit on a chair

peace pouch from Eartheart


A sun came.  I assume it's the same sun as usual.  Ming is serving and should be home soon.  This morning I created a facebook event for next month's peace vigil at Creech Air Force Base.

Also yesterday we went to the 99 cent store and looked around a lot, as if we were studying the 99 cent store to write a paper on it.  I got a glass dish to put a candle in, that red candle.  I got a pretty hair thing.  Some nutter butters.

Today will be low key, I predict.  I want to get some matcha candy at the farmers market.  Ming has a conference call at 3.

Last night we and Peacemaker Boy went out to dinner--Curry Leaf, an Indian food place.  It was fun.  I liked when we first walked in and it smelled like yummy incense in there and a song was playing about Krishna.

Thursday, January 21, 2016



happy birthday to Nana

Last night I slept a lot and dreamt hard.  This morning Ming has gone to serve mac & cheese, for today is mac & cheese day, the only vegetarian day on the soupline.  He will bring some home for me, if all goes well.

Today I have book club meeting after we vigil.  I need to read 20 pages or so of the book and do some writing.  It's Make Your Creative Dreams Real by SARK.  I like it, but it's dense with emotion.

I like Thursdays.  I like our life.  I like having not much to do on the calendar.  Today is my Nana's birthday, and I forgot to send a card this year.  If you're reading, Nana, I hope you have a happy birthday.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016


This morning I survived a dentist appointment.  The dental assistant even wiped away my tear with a tissue.  I was so convinced for no reason that I would need six crowns and five root canals and we'd burn through all our savings that I was shocked when I didn't even have a cavity.

The dentist is nice.  I got my gums poked at but no problem.  I stood in a weird x-ray machine that spun around my head.  I wore lead aprons.

Then we went to Trader Joe's to buy ingredients for a dish I want to make, some pesto pasta salad I like.

Then we went to the dollar store looking for a candle holder of a certain size for this candle I got when J cleaned out the Pace e Bene house.  A nice red candle.  They didn't have a candle holder big enough.  But we looked in the whole store.

I want to make some potato soup and put in a sweet potato as a prize.